Oh, hi!

Good morning, blog-o-sphere!

I'm 99.9% sure that no one is reading this - tends to happen when you quit writing for long periods of time. I'm going to write anyway.

November is coming.

That means two things...

NaNoWriMo, and NaBloPoMo.

I'm going to join both. I'll tell you right now, I'm not confident that I will complete either.
I got the closest I've ever gotten to completing NaNo last year with a little over 30,000 words.
NaBloPoMo, I might have gotten half way through. Can't remember.

Regardless, they are still both going on the to do list.

What else has been going on that I can fill you in on?

I'm thinking about bangs. I want to do it so bad, but I'm so afraid I will regret it. Help!
I might just take the plunge today. I plan to do it myself... The other kicker. I'm not good at anything anymore, so I know I will probably screw it up. Haha! But I can't bring myself to go to a salon to simply have them cut bangs.
I cut my own bangs my entire teen-hood. In fact every time I've ever had bangs I did it myself. Don't know why I am chicken now.

I don't really have much else.
Just got finished with another awesome season of RenFaire, we go back to clean up this weekend, then the wait for next year begins.
I think I might start a handkerchief shirt business. I bought one to wear under my bodice this year, and it was $35 dollars. A triangle of fabric, with a little bit of stitching. I could charge less and still make a killing! Hahaha! I might look into this, for real.

That's about all I have for the time being!

I've missed you blog, I really have!

Happy Wednesday, y'all!

So, I'm doing this thing where I am actually allowing myself time to work on creative pursuits. Not even allowing myself, making specific time for these creative pursuits - as if it were my job. I'm also doing this thing where I will happily let anyone who doesn't want to be supportive of this slip away from my existence. I simply don't have time for it anymore.

You know, you get into this conversation with people, and people all give that same reaction... Well, there are a couple of different reactions. The "nod and smile" along with, "yeah, I always thought I would be a writer/artist/musician, hahaha! Then I grew up!" Followed by an entire "hilarious" personal tale which is supposed to lead you to understand why creative pursuits are a complete waste of time for everyone, and completely unrealistic, and how hilarious it is that every 20-something thinks they are going to be a writer, and now that we are not 20-somethings it is something to just get over.
Or they start vaguely talking about "their friend" or "their friend's friend" who is in the middle of some kind of crisis and decided to become a poet at the age of 35, and how they will be destitute forever and should be shunned because that is no way to keep up with The Joneses.
It is a rare, rare thing to actually meet anyone who has anything positive, or encouraging to say about creative pursuits that aren't crafty things found on Pinterest. Which I have nothing against, that just seems like the only acceptable way to "waste time" being creative.

I have no expectations of becoming a famous writer, or artist, or anything of that nature, by the way. Not that I would turn it down, but Mo' Money, Mo' Problems anyway, right? There are so many relatives that I have no desire to have suddenly barging down my door looking for a handout. Holy god, the idea of it kinda terrifies me, to the point I would probably have to consider witness protection program style tactics to keep my sanity. :::shudder:::
I'm merely saying that I have a need to create, therefore, that is what I am going to do.

Quick side note: What is this thing about labeling anyone who is doing something different from what the rest of the herd is doing as being in some form of "crisis". This is really getting to me, FYI.

Trust me. I know this shit is all over the place. I'm sorry, haha! Anyway...

I don't have any crisis. In fact, I can't even tell you the calm that has started to come back over me now that I am actually putting work into creating things. It has taken me to the land of zero fucks, and it is beautiful. 

There are two different lands of zero fucks, by the way. Are we all familiar with this? There is a dark side of zero fucks (which I could agree might be crisis), and a light side of zero fucks (as in, "you can be any way that you want to be, how I'll be, that's up to me" - Thanks Marcy Playground for writing that best lyric ever).

For a creative spirit, when you cannot create, you might as well be dead. That sounds really dramatic, haha! But, it's true. Creating gives the creative spirit life, and without it, there is no balance. This probably sounds really hokey, but to people who have that need to create, it is an absolute truth.

For many years, I have allowed myself to fall in line with the thinking that creativity should be on a back burner somewhere. Something that I should have grown out of by now, and it has taken me to the dark side of zero fucks. As in, I want my kids to be eating, breathing and smiling. Outside of that, I give none. Not a single one. About anyone, or anything.

There are other things that have not helped the situation, but it has taken getting back into creating to realize how much my psyche has been affected by letting it go in the first place.

Now that I have decided that being happy - for the sake of myself, for the sake of my kids, for the sake of my sanity - is what matters, I've started working on things again, and I've landed back on the light side of zero fucks. To me, the positive side of zero fucks. 

Like, I could give zero fucks whether or not you think that my working on creative pursuits is a waste of time. I give zero fucks if you think that writing, or art, is like, so cliche. I give zero fucks that you gave up on your dreams. I won't give up on mine to make you feel better about that, even if it never leads to anything. I give zero fucks if you don't "get" it. I give zero fucks if you stop wanting to spend time with me because there are periods of time that I need to disappear to create things.

Most importantly, I give zero fucks whether or not what I am creating ever makes me a dime. And I think that is truly the root of why people look down on this. Because most people are looking for their dollar. Because, for some, the dollar is where they find validation. That paycheck that is sending them to Pottery Barn for their furniture rather than Ikea (or goodwill). The need to create the illusion that you've put the perfect life in place exactly as it "should" be. To be The Joneses.

Creative spirits don't care about this (Sorry other creative people, I'm going to go ahead and speak for everyone here). We care about creating, and we're doing it for ourselves; not to be patted on the back, not to make millions in a book deal, not to have our work be the next summer blockbuster, and not to have our art displayed at the Metropolitan. It is truly for personal fulfillment, first and foremost.

Not that anyone would turn down the million dollar book deal, or the chance for people to see their work on display in New York City, and if they say they would they are LYING, but you get my drift.

This is feeling a little more ranty than I wanted it to, I hope it isn't, because I'm actually coming into a very good place with things right now; but this stagnant existence has caught up with me, so I'm in purge mode. Purge mode sometimes insists on dragging rant mode along with it, and I don't know why because rant mode is like that annoying friend who never pays.

So anyway, the basic message here is, I've been getting back into my groove, and it feels pretty darn good. There will probably be more to come on this subject. Hopefully it won't take me another billion months to get to the point of posting about it, or anything else for that matter. I've missed you. If there are any of you left. Haha!

Hope everyone enjoys this fine Wednesday. Not sure what it is looking like wherever you are, but we're pretty much having a perfect day for weather here.

Happy Hump Day, y'all!

I'm writing a blog post. Not this one - well, I mean, obviously this one, but, like, an actual one (wow, that was a lot of commas).
It is currently marinating, but it is going to be posted this week. For real!

Happy Monday!

I'm a little bit in awe of the people who are actually able to put their words out there for the rest of the world to see. It's a ballsy thing to be able to do.
I don't mean just blog posts - but even those, when they are deeply personal, or honest.
I mean people who package their words up between two covers and put them on a shelf for people to take home with them - or in this day and age, leave them out there to be downloaded into people's e-readers...

This is a pretty big month for me, this week especially.

Ten years ago today, this exact hour that I am writing this, I was getting ready to get into my packed car and take off for the other side of the country. I had said my goodbyes, and was ready to take the world by the horns, equipped with only some clothes, my computer and a check for $1200 that the company had advanced me to make the trip. The cell phone that my operations manager had given me, along with orders to check in frequently, was on the seat, and the little angel that one of the guys had given me with a little poem about safe travels hanging from my rearview mirror. 

At 7:45a.m. I would make my last Washington State coffee stop (at least as a resident of that State), and head toward the pass to start the four and a half day journey to Largo, Maryland where they had set me up to stay for my first 30 days.

I felt like I had the world in my hands at that moment. It might be the only time I ever truly felt that way.  

Happy Tuesday!

I lied...

Remember when I said that thing about being back?  That was hilarious, right?

It is terribly sad how long it has been since I've even looked at this thing, much less, written here.
I have been writing elsewhere though, so all is not lost, at least personally, haha!

I'm not very good at social media lately. I'm not really very good at anything lately. And "lately" has been going on for a very, very long time. Too long. I need "lately" to be over with now. To make that happen requires a lot of big things.

There are at least three very good blog posts that I have drafted on my iPad right now. I can't wait to roll them out. They actually SAY SOMETHING! No, they really do! It's exciting. I just can't decide if they are for here, or for something else I've been working on. We shall see.

It's embarrassing how long it has been since I've even read another person's blog. God, I'm terrible, y'all!

At any rate - just thought I would rear up and poke my head in for the moment, even if it is just to say absolutely nothing!

Happy Hump Day!

Today's post was supposed to include a bunch of pictures from my excursion with Darby to the Maryland Faerie Festival yesterday. We had a great time, I took a ton of great photos.
Photos of Darby making her own set of faerie wings, photos of Darby sitting on mushroom stools wearing said wings (croak!), photos of Darby with the festival unicorn, photos of Darby picking out and riding the largest pony at the pony rides like a boss.

Except... I forgot to put the memory card back into the camera after removing the photos from grandpa's visit.

So a ton of great photos is actually more like ZERO photos.

On top of that, I left the camera sitting on the back bumper of the car when I left. Thank GOD that there was a family sitting in the grass in the parking area having a picnic who saw the camera fall and ran to the exit to make sure it got back to me. Yep.

So instead I leave you with this photo of an exhausted Darby running around in the common area outside of the house when we got home.

Happy Monday!