Friday, December 28, 2012

I spent Christmas Day (mostly) by myself this year.

This is how we wind up at this place where I find myself so often when it comes to the blog lately... The things I'm supposed to say...

I'm supposed to tell you that spending Christmas without my family here was the most devastating and awful experience one could have.
In fact, I'm supposed to write a gut-wrenching, ten-thousand-word lament on the subject.
I'm also supposed to think about how insensitive it would be okay with not having my family around when "so many others don't have family to spend the holidays with, or have family members they can't see".

I'm supposed to tell you that packing my family up and watching them drive off Christmas morning without me was one of the hardest things ever!

I'm supposed to tell you that New Year's Eve just won't be the same because they won't be home yet.

I'm supposed to tell you that Tobin had his first experience in the snow and my life with never be the same because I missed a first.

I'm supposed to tell you that the house is just too quiet without everyone here and I just don't know what to do with myself having no one around to take care of.

I'm not going to tell you any of those things.

The reality is...

Spending Christmas Day by myself was glorious!
I couldn't wait to get them out the door.
There will be no lament.
And while I do feel for those who have no choice but to be alone, or whose family members can't be with them for one reason for another, that is not my life experience so I will take a moment to revel in my aloneness, thanks.
If they were to set foot through that front door at any moment before January 1, 2013 I would, in all likelihood, spontaneously combust.
And while I would like to have seen Tobin play in the snow for the first time, I really feel like I have a fighting chance at living through missing "a first".
The silence in the house is almost more than I can bear, but not because I wish there was the noise of a full house happening. It is because it seems too good to be true, and I know that it has to end.
I also happen to thank the lord above for every moment that I have had not having to take care of anyone (but me).

This week has been awesome, and if I can be so bold as to be completely honest... I'd give anything to push it out one more.

In other news...
I went to the Verizon store today to upgrade The Teenager's phone. The white iPhone 5 is on it's way. I pick it up Monday, in plenty of time to have it wrapped and waiting for her when she gets home New Year's Day. I cannot wait! She is going to pass out. Seriously!
To back up a bit, we couldn't upgrade the phone until yesterday, so while The Teenager got a few other things for Christmas, I had to come up with a song and dance about not ordering her "main gift" (which I'm pretty sure that she things is a new iPod touch) in time, and that it wasn't going to get here before Christmas. I, of course, apologized profusely and "felt so bad!"
BAAHAHA! Little does she know... Ha!
I can't wait until Tuesday.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, and that you all have a safe and wonderful New Year celebration, however you choose to do so!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Twist my arm...

Beth over at Living a Goddess Life shared this meme. While reading it I realized that I haven't done one of these in a very long time, and thought I might want to squeeze one more in before the world comes to an end. So here goes!

Five things I can't live without:

1. Coffee / tea
2. Slippers
3. Pajama pants
4. Books
5. My kids (well, I could certainly live without them for, like, a week. That would be awesome. But not indefinitely, ha!)

Four things that terrify me:

1. Spiders
2. Debt
3. Extremists of any kind
4. Dependency. It terrifies me how readily people give into the idea of dependency. Nothing is free.

Three things that annoy me:

Well, you might be aware that a lot of things annoy me (I'm not necessarily proud of that fact, let me be clear, ha!), but I will narrow it down to three for the intents and purposes of this exercise.

1. People who are incapable of maneuvering traffic circles. Seriously people, it really isn't that difficult!
2. Bad tippers. I get embarrassed if I am dining with someone who doesn't tip well. Especially when service is good.
3. Parents who let their kids run wild and unchecked in a public play area. I understand letting them play, but you still need to make sure that they aren't sitting on someone else's head, or shoving others down to get to the slide (or worse, pushing someone OFF of the slide). Put down the phone and latte, and parent your children. Please!

Two things I'm working on:

1. Myself
2. Clearing out excess crap (the seemingly never-ending project!)

One thing I am grateful for:

1. That 2012 is on the way out. I'm looking forward to the fresh start of the New Year. I don't believe, by any means, that it is going to be an easy or carefree year, but it will usher in needed change.

And there you have it!

Happy End of the World, y'all! 

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A couple of things...

Facebook Update:

Yesterday was hilarious. It is sad how automatic it is for me to log into Facebook. I can't tell you how many times I sat down to the computer yesterday and didn't even realize that I was logging into Facebook until I was hitting the button to log in. Then I would go into a panic, "no, no, no!" but it would be too late. I would then have to go over and immediately deactivate all over again. I think I have four messages from Facebook that I have deactivated my account. That means it happened three times on autopilot. And that doesn't even count the times that I caught myself before actually logging in. Ha!
This is how ingrained in me using Facebook is. That is sad, my friends.

Overall though, it feels good to be rid of it.

The Boy Who Lived:

...despite keeping his mother awake every single night for an entire year. He's not one yet, but I don't sense this pattern ending before February. Holy moly, this boy... gah!
His only saving grace?

This face.

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Turn down the noise...

Well, I did the unthinkable... I deactivated my Facebook account.

Step one in turning down the noise.

I have to admit there is a small amount of anxiety swirling around inside of me over it. Facebook is my "go to" procrastination tool, but it is also full of noise, and I just really need to rid myself of excess noise right now.

We'll see how long I last, but I would like to try for six months. I shouldn't even say it like that, I should say that I am going to go Facebook free for at least six months.
In the words of a very wise Jedi Master, "Do, or do not. There is no try."

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, December 17, 2012

I have to admit, I'm kind of over all of the "Keep Calm" posters, but this one spoke to me, ha!

This weekend was filled with working and Christmas shopping. I'm just about done, I just have a few stray items to pick up that I'll probably end up getting this coming weekend. Holy moly that is going to be a nightmare. Guess that is what I get for waiting so long.

I did find one thing that I'm not so fond of at my job. Pushing credit cards.
It is expected that we ask each customer if they would like to open a credit line with the store, and I have no problem asking every person who walks up if they would like to, but I will not push them if they say no. I can't do it. I just cannot bring myself to trying to talk someone into debt. If they express interest the first time I ask, I'm all for opening a credit line for them, but I will not be the person telling them how they can open up to three lines, yada, yada. Nope. No way. Sorry big corporation, I will not help you in that game.

Credit card debt is a killer. Ugh.

I'm more scared of my kids getting themselves in trouble with credit cards than with anything else. Seriously.

Some parents freak out over premarital sex. Some parents freak out over drugs and alcohol. Some parents freak out that their kid might choose community college over some big name school with a name that they can proudly plaster on the back window of their car for all to see, or worse, not attend their alumni school!

Not me. It is the fear of my kids opening up unnecessary credit accounts that will keep me awake at night.
That there might be a moment where one of them would come to me and tell me that they are $10k in credit card debt even though we've talked and talked and talked about how utterly stupid it is to get oneself into such situations.

It is terrifying to think about. If I fail in anything when it comes to parenting, please do not let it be this!

I hope everyone had a great weekend! Happy Monday, y'all!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

I've decided that I am going to attempt to wean myself off of Facebook. 
It seems like a completely irrational task doomed for failure, but I'm going to do it. 

I'm not going to get rid of my account completely, but I am going to pare it down to the bare minimum of information, and photos, etc, and greatly reduce the amount of times per week that I log in. I've realized that Facebook really doesn't add anything of value to my existence, mostly it just adds excess noise.

It is time for excess noise to go.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

"I have an indication that when you look back a year from now on this time in your life, you're going to realize that you came through a lot. You can do it, that is from your spirit guide."

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

A few random things...

1.  I got a part time job. It is in retail, which I wasn't sure I could handle, but I just wanted to do something that got me out of the house. As it turns out, I'm totally loving it.

2.  Tobin became an official toddler at nine and a half months old.
This is all fine and good, if I'm being honest, there are things that I love about infancy, but it really isn't my favorite stage. I just had a moment this morning when I realized that I will never have an infant again. My infant/baby time is completely over. I'm okay with it, I'm certainly not wanting any more kids, but it is weird to think about. He grew out of infancy way to fast. I feel like I was supposed to have more time. He's been up surfing and climbing on furniture since he was 6 months old, and he started trying to take steps around seven and a half months old, and now, at ten months, he is full on just walking around. Too fast, boy!

3.  I bought a sweet Batman watch and I can't find a photo of it online anywhere and I'm feeling too lazy to take a photo of it right now. You'll have to trust me. It was a good find.

4.  We're getting Mikaila an iPhone for Christmas (she doesn't read this so it is okay to write about it here). She's going to poop her pants. I can't wait. After years of waiting, she has definitely accepted that we are just not going to get her one, and that she will have to get it on her own when she can get her own phone plan. I seriously can't wait for her to open it. There is a good chance that she will either cry, or faint.

5.  This leads me to one of the many downsides to the over indulgence that rules parenting these days. I almost feel sorry for parents who cave to their children's every whim, or rush to make sure that their child has the next hot thing so that they can be better than everyone else - because that really is all it is about. You can hate me for saying it, but it is true.
Not only do you teach them that their value is in what they have, but you never get to experience the sheer joy of giving a gift to a child who has waited so long that they have finally accept that it isn't going to happen, just to find that one thing on their birthday, or Christmas. The joy that they get from opening it after waiting, and waiting, and hoping, and waiting is so fun to watch. You are totally robbing yourself, seriously.

That's about all I have for today. My to do list is calling, and I've been doing my best to ignore it all morning. I guess now that the kids are all sleeping I should get moving.

Happy Tuesday, folks!

Monday, December 3, 2012

I'm kind of obsessed with the idea of having a tree house. I would take up residence in a tree house permanently if I could.

Can you imagine coming home to this? Or having this to escape to?

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Or what about this?! This one might actually be my favorite of all of them.

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But then there is this one. Gah! I need one of each!!!

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Here are a few more, just for kicks.

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It is one of my biggest wish list items to buy a small plot of land somewhere, kind of in the boonies, but not so far into the boonies that a grocery store wouldn't be nearby, and build a tree house. It is going to happen one day. Mark my words!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

There is just something amazing about watching actors in a live performance. Seriously.

 Movies are all good and everything, but they just don't compare to watching someone get on a stage and nail their performance perfectly all night long. No "takes", no "cuts" - just raw acting. I love, love, love it.

We had so much fun seeing My Fair Lady last night! It was an incredible performance. 
I am so glad I went with my gut and got her those tickets for her birthday. She enjoyed every second of the evening.

We ended up making an entire mother/daughter day out of it. We got our hair cut, did a little shopping and then made our way to DC where we parked the car and metro'd down to have dinner. We stumbled upon a little street fair so we took a stroll through that, and after dinner we did some window shopping before heading back up to the theater to wait for our performance. It was a great time all around. I'm so thankful for these moments. I know that we will always have them, we will always do these things together, but she a year away from being an "adult" and she is going to be doing her own thing more and more, so the times that we get to spend together like this I cherish. 

How did 17 years just blow by like that?

I hope everyone else is having a great weekend!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

NaNoWriMo doesn't actually end until midnight tomorrow night, but I will take the time today to let you know that I am not going to be crossing the finish line. I wasn't able to write for a good number of days around Thanksgiving and that pretty much put the nail in the coffin. The momentum was broken and I haven't really been able to recover.
I'm so drained after time with certain company that it literally takes me days to recover.

I'm still going to write when I have the opportunity for the remainder of the challenge, but 20,000 words is a pretty significant gap to make up in a day and a half.

Even still, I don't consider it a complete failure. Last year I barely broke 6,000. This year I got to 30,000, and while that is not 50,000, had I not had the interruption I would have gotten to 50,000 and probably beyond.

Next year I'm not letting anything (or anyone) get in my way. I'm angry at myself for letting anything (or anyone) get in my way this year. Oh, the time we waste...

But hey, 30,000 words ain't too shabby. I'm happy with it, even if that is all I end up with.

Happy Thursday!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

17 years gone in the blink of an eye.

Happy Birthday to the greatest teenager in the world.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Pinterest quotes. The only way that I can keep up with NaBloPoMo (even though, technically, I already failed).

Friday, November 16, 2012

The Friday Five

What I am thankful for this week:

1. Thanksgiving is only 6 days away. It is truly my favorite meal and I can't wait to stuff my face. 

2. That I am the one cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year. I love making this meal.

3. Neighbors who go out and do things and then tell me about it. Otherwise I never would have known that My Fair Lady was playing at The Arena in DC, and would have missed out on the opportunity to get tickets for The Teenager for her birthday. She loves the movie (it goes everywhere with her), and I can't wait to take her to see the stage production. She has no idea that this is what she is getting, and she is going to be thrilled.

4. That I can buy my kid tickets to the theater for her birthday instead of the new iPod she had asked for and she will actually be happier about getting the tickets.
I know, I brag about her a lot. I'm not sorry about that. She's pretty brag-worthy. Probably the best teenager on earth. Seriously.

5. I had my follow-up appointment from my surgery this week and they definitely got everything out that they wanted out. Yay! Let's hope that is the end of it.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

NaNoWriMo is a beast, y'all.

My word count is currently at a little over 26,000 - On track to finish on the 30th. Except my in-laws are coming into town next week for Thanksgiving and I can assure you that I will get no writing done while they are here.
So the next few nights are going to be designated all-nighters during which I will hopefully pull 5,000+ words per session out of my ass like I did last night. I fear that is my only hope of finishing on time.

I wish that I had it in me to do a complete post on this whole process because it really has been a great time and has really gotten me back into the writing process, but I am honestly just too exhausted.

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Oops. Yesterday got away from me.
Guess I failed at NaBloPoMo. Good news is... I'm not failing at NaNoWriMo! It's been a game of catch up much of the time, but I'm hanging on!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

It is hard to accept the need for patience when I don't have any.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Happy Friday, y'all!

Last night I slept instead of writing. Which puts me back behind on my NaNoWriMo project. 
Considering I fell asleep on the couch and never heard a thing, including people going to bed, taking trash out, etc..., I obviously needed it. No big. I'll try to make up for it all tonight.

I am also way behind on getting this post done!
It is Friday and, therefore, time to give you my list of gratitude for this week.

1. The fact that my kids sleep in. 

Big Girl Bed!
(did I mention that they grow up too fast?)
I love it most mornings because, while I don't normally sleep in, I appreciate having the quiet time in the morning to have my first cup of coffee and ease into the day.
Mornings like this I appreciate it even more because I didn't have a reason to get up and I don't think I could have if I had wanted to (so afraid I might be getting sick!). So it was awesome that they both slept until almost 9 a.m.
A side note on this: Sometimes it drives me crazy that, at 9 months old, Tobin still wakes up once in the middle of the night. Then I realize that this is probably why he sleeps so late, and if I have my druthers, I'd rather have it this way. I really like having my early mornings to myself (well, and my little extra baby face on the days that she is here).

2. The mute button.
One of man's greatest gifts. I don't know how people can sit and listen to commercials. Seriously, in confounds me. Hahaha!

3. The Teenager's first "real" boyfriend.
Seriously, you guys. I'm so glad that her first "relationship" experience is with someone who is such a sweetheart. They've only been officially dating for three months (in fact, he was surprising her today with a "three month" anniversary surprise - so cute), but they are so hilarious together. They spend time with us and with his family. He is completely comfortable around us, and loves the babies. He doesn't mind that, when they are here, he's pretty much surrounded by toys and toddlers who climb all over him. I'm just glad to see her so happy.

4. The Teenager, herself.
This one just came to me because I got a text from one of her friends asking if she could stay over tonight. The thing is... I took Mikaila's phone away months ago. And I mean months ago. So many months ago that I can't even remember how many months ago it was. Another thing I can't remember? Where I put it.
Most teenagers would throw fits and tear the house down in their teenage rage. Not my kid. Her reaction?  Whatever. We'll find it someday.
She has to reach me through other people's phones, which she does. Always. Other teenagers might use this as an excuse to cop an attitude and conveniently never be able to be reached because "well, you lost my phone!"
Not my kid. Because she is awesome.

5. These eyes:

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Today's post is brought to you by awesome friends.

NaNo Fuel

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Focusing on the positive:

1. BOTH of my "home" states passed gay marriage rights. Go Maryland and Washington!

2. Washington (and Colorado, but I'm focusing on Washington because I have ties there) passed recreational use of marijuana. Yes, I'm okay with this. I think it should be legal everywhere. I know plenty of people who use marijuana who lead functional lives, just like many people who drink are able to lead functional lives. There isn't much difference in my mind.

3. Tobin and Darby have been napping in the same room, finally. Last night he slept in there overnight. He did wake up, but I was able to get him his bottle without Darby even flinching. Yay! You have no idea how exciting this is.

4. I'm doing pretty well at keeping up with NaNoWriMo. I don't get much writing done on the weekends so I have to get the bulk of my word count in on weekdays plus, I lost Monday this week. Overall I feel like I'm doing a good job of making up for the lost time, though, so I'm feeling good about it. My goal this year was not to turn out earth-shattering work, but to just get to 50,000 words. I actually feel as though I'm going to accomplish it this time!

Happy Hump Day, y'all!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Today is the day that we take things into our own hands.

I'm always so glad when this day comes because after tonight, even though people will continue to bitch no matter what happens, it is over.

Facebook is unbearable, Twitter is unbearable, all of the people who talk about what bullies "the other side" are while bullying people who believe in "the other side" are unbearable - and yeah, this means you too, non-Republicans...

I don't care who you vote for - believe it or not there are actually people out here who believe that you are entitled to your opinion, no matter what, not just as long as your opinion doesn't get in the way of mine.
But whatever you do, please, please, please just get out there and vote!

May the best puppet win!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Before I get into my real post I have to take a moment to pat myself on the back. I truly thought that I would have failed at NaBloPoMo by now - yes, 5 days in.

I may not be posting stellar, mind-blowing things, but I have posted! I call that a win (so far).

I'd also like to take a moment to inform you that, if you are reading here, you're going to be helping me work through a lot of shit right now. I apologize in advance, but that is just where I'm at these days. I am in such a weird (but good) place, I feel everything evolving and changing around and within me. I'll try not to get too deep, but I'm definitely in a place of change right now - big change - and the results of that are a lot of over-analysis and deep thoughts.

Okay, on to my actual post:

So, I just got back from a minor surgical procedure. It was nothing big, but I'm feeling a little wiped out from the anesthesia. Thankfully the husband has taken the kids out and about so that I can have some peace (and complete my post for today, and catch up on my NaNoWriMo word count).

Long story short, I've had some abnormal cell activity in my cervix and previous procedures didn't nix the issue so they went in and took a larger area in hopes of getting rid of all the nasty (but NOT cancerous, let me make that clear) cells. I was in and out and, aside from some minor cramping going on, I feel pretty good.

Which brings me to the "deep issue" that this whole experience has brought up in me: Friendships

When do you decide that a friendship is tipping toward toxic? What do you do about that? Especially when the person is not necessarily someone you want to eject from your life, but it has just become taxing carrying on a friendship because of their level of self-centeredness. (and please - we are ALL self-centered, to a point, these days, we live in the "me, me me" era - some people are just worse than others. That goes for being judgmental too, but that is another post entirely)

You read these articles about "toxic friendships" and one things that always comes up is the idea that they trivialize everything going on in your life, but expect you to come running when they have a hangnail. That's kind of where I'm at with this particular situation.

I am totally not the kind of person who needs people to "ooh" and "ahhh" over every little thing that goes on in my life. In fact, I'm the total opposite. I'm happy to let most things go under the radar, probably to a fault. And while this whole situation wasn't that big of a deal, there are some psychological aspects that I've been dealing with. I know that everything is likely to be fine, but that is what they've been telling me at each turn. "We need to do this, don't worry, it usually comes back as nothing." Just to get the call that says, "Well... We're going to have to have you come in for [this procedure], don't worry, it will likely come back as nothing." Repeat.
That wears on you a bit. At least it wore on me, and is actually still wearing on me to a point because here I sit, yet again, waiting for biopsy results that "are likely nothing". I've heard that one before - a few times now.

Basically, over the last couple of months there have been a couple of times that I've just needed to talk this out, just to get my head clear, only to be met with "Yeah, I'm not sure what that is, I've never done it, but its common. So when I was out last night here's all the drama that I had to deal with..." and on and on.

I don't know. I'm kind of over certain kinds of relationships these days. One-sided relationships are at the top of the list. I don't even have any fancy way to wrap this up, and in fact, probably have a lot more to say on this subject, but I'm feeling as though it is time to lay down.

I hope this post isn't too all over the place, ha! I'll be back tomorrow, now it is time to sleep.

Happy Monday, y'all!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

This is going to be the lamest post in the history of lame posts, but I just realized that I haven't blogged yet today and I need to go to bed.

Yep. That's seriously what I have for you today.


Saturday, November 3, 2012

Today you are getting a photo post. That's all I have in me, ha!

The teenager and her boyfriend before homecoming:

They grow up way too fast.

Friday, November 2, 2012

In honor of Thanksgiving Month I am going to do a weekly installment of "5 Things I am Thankful For".

The top 5 for this week are:

1. The two friends that I have who own smart phones and who do not keep them in front of their faces the entire time we are out. These two people have made it to the top of my favorite people list because we can actually meet out and 99.9% of the time I don't even see their phones.
The advent of the smart phone has made me want to stop socializing with most people. I don't want to hang out with you while you stare at your phone.

2. You may have heard that there was a hurricane this week. I am thankful that our area went largely unscathed (compared to up north) and my power was back up the next day. There are many who were not so fortunate.

3. Great neighbors who like to get together around the fire pit at night and drink wine. It is always a good time.

4. Neighbors who have children in the Girl Scouts. My cupboard is stocked up with all sorts of Girl Scout cookie goodness.

5. Craigslist. I got an elliptical for $80!

That is it for this Friday! On to NaNoWriMo!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Considering that I haven't blogged in an age, or really written anything at all, I'm curious to know what you think my chances are of completing both NaBloPoMo AND NaNoWriMo this year. Because I am attempting both.

You can laugh, it's okay. I'm laughing too, but I'm determined to give it a go.

I'm off to a good start with NaNoWriMo. The word count goal is 1667 per day. I passed that this morning and I'm still rolling. It's not earth-shattering work, but it is work, and it is getting me back into the groove. NaBloPoMo is probably going to be the more difficult challenge.

So with this brilliant and insightful post, I kick off NaBloPoMo. Let us hope this post is not the gauge by which we will measure the momentum for the rest of the month.

Oh, November, I love to hate you.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Contrary to what it may sound/read like, I am not living in negative nancy land. My attitude is fuck it, but I'm actually feeling pretty awesome these days.
Change is coming, I can feel it, and it's gonna be big.

Happy Friday, y'all!
Oh, Hi!

It 4:00 a.m. and I'm wide awake and I can't even write about these things I need to get off of my chest.
Well, I can, but not here.
Sometimes I wonder if life is ever going to give me a break. I don't mean a break as in "all of the money" (though, I wouldn't turn that down), or a break on car insurance.
I mean a break from this noise in my head, a break from the chatter, a break from "what the fuck". Doesn't really look that way.
Did I seriously choose this life? I feel like there has to be some kind of karma working through here because, while I don't see that I would have chosen an easy life, there are sometimes that I think there is no way that this isn't punishment for something I did many ages ago, hahahaha!

Get me out of these boxes, yo.

but I'm still right here giving blood, keeping faith, and I'm still right here...

Friday, September 14, 2012

Oh, and more importantly, I finally started Dr. Who!
A few things...

1. These two things represent some of my current feelings:

...and the "like you" part is really
stretching it.
...which is why I mostly just
stay in my house these days.

2. I am considering making my own costume for RenFest. The prices at the costume shops at the festival are so astronomical. A girl that I work with made her own corset for half the cost of what they charge for the same thing, plus, it's reversible. So it is really two corsets for half the cost of one of theirs. Dunno. I'm thinking that I am going to need a better sewing machine if I take on this task. The only one I have is a small beginner one that we bought for The Teenager a few Christmas's ago (that she had to have, yet has never touched, ha!).

3. I checked out TLC's Breaking Amish last night. I'm intrigued. 

4. I'm not sure it I have much more actually. I'm glad that it is Friday! I look forward to my weekend job. It's a nice little break from the norm and I love my RenFest "family".

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I'm slowly trying to bring myself back from the dead. Slowly.
If you don't know, I dealt with some postpartum depression after Tobin was born. Quite honestly, I'm pretty sure that I was dealing with it after Darby was born, but I didn't do anything about it.
It has pretty much consumed my existence, and dealing with it on your own is quite a daunting task.

I had been taking a mild antidepressant for a little while after my 6 week postpartum check up, but I found myself feeling as though I needed to up the dosage every few weeks. When the prescription ran out I didn't renew it. On top of everything they wanted me to see a therapist in order to continue the medication. Well, adding another series of appointments to keep track of to the schedule of someone who can't even bring herself to feed the animals in the morning because the thought of it is too overwhelming is not the answer. I did, however, feel as though that short period of time being on the medication helped me to pinpoint cues, and so I felt that I could manage myself more easily.

It hasn't really been a great success, but I'm getting there. That has a lot to do with why I'm so bad about blogging right now, and kind of all over the place.

I haven't really talked to anyone much about it because, frankly, there isn't much to say. There is plenty going on in my head, but it doesn't translate. Even if there were something to say, I don't bring it up because most people don't seem to understand that talking about something doesn't mean that I'm looking for you to solve my problem. I'm not really looking for anyone to solve my problem. I find unsolicited advice to be one of the biggest annoyances in the history of man. Quite honestly, understanding and silence, are far more valuable than useless chatter. That sounds kind of shitty, I suppose, I don't mean it to, and I certainly don't mind words of support, other people's experiences, etc. I'm just easily wearied by the high horse/"here's what you need to do". I don't care what you have read/studied/whatever. If you haven't done this, you have no idea. All of the suggestions from your text book mean nothing to me.

That said, I'm actually going to attempt to use blogging as a way to pull myself out of the crater. Not that I want to blog about this, but maybe blogging, even if it is awful and uninspired for a while, can bring some order back into my existence. 

Hilariously, when I decided to start this thing over (the blog, I mean) I was all fired up about "living deliberately" and I've done anything but that ever since. Ha! The "deliberate living" part of me still lives, I just need to pull it out of the rubble. 
I'm kind of hoping that if I can get back into the swing of blogging, I can get back into the swing of life.
We shall see. 

If you are still around to read this, I am so grateful to you. You have the patience of a saint!

Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Found this on Pinterest:
(More and more of my conversations are starting out with some variation of that statement...)

You just laughed out loud. For real.
Happy Hump Day, y'all!

Monday, September 10, 2012

Man, RenFest season wears me out, yo!

This is my second year working our local Renaissance Festival. I absolutely love it. I love the people that I work with, the people-watching, the atmosphere. I love getting there early in the morning before even most of the employees are there and walking around in the woods through our little "village".
I marvel at the women who walk around in their gorgeous costumes that have to be a billion degrees, not to mention heavy as sin, and wonder how in the hell they manage in the port-a-potties. Seriously, some of these costumes have to be hundreds of dollars worth of investment. Probably closer to 1000+ by the time you add in the accessories and stuff.
We have men who walk around in full suits of metal armor - again, the heat! Holy Moly, people.
It is just such a hoot to be a part of. It also makes for a hectic 9 weeks. The festival only runs on the weekends, but we pretty much put in 10 to 12 hour days each day, most of it on our feet.

One of these days I'll remember to take my camera with me so I can share some photos with you guys.

Happy Monday!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

This was worth coming back from the dead for.

Adrienne Maloof (of Beverly Hills Housewives fame) tweeted this link today. I die.

I need this. NOW.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

It might be time to accept that I just really don't enjoy this at all anymore. After writing for a good 15 minutes I can't even bring myself to hit publish on anything.

Dear Self, 
This is obviously no longer fun. Find a better hobby.
Spend the time you are wasting on blogging to draw, or work on other writing endeavors.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Mmm... coffee.
Much needed. I've been a total insomniac lately. I have all of this pent up shit circling my brain and I can't get it out. A volcano is about to erupt, and it's gonna be a good one. I can feel it. Update: I thought that I should point out that the volcano is a good thing. God damn you disclaimerverse. Drives me crazy!

In other news... I was on the phone with a friend last night and we got talking about some "good ole times". Holy moly what a shitshow we were back then. And by shitshow I mean, completely awesome.
We've created a file for the madness of yore, it's called "my life was a Tarantino film before I met you".
And it was.

See also; my sink is dripping, and I might go hack the faucet off with an axe.

I would also like to add that I don't hate anyone's spiritual beliefs. I actually love learning about other people's beliefs. I love knowing what makes people tick and having new ideas to ponder. I'm quite a spiritual junkie, as a matter of fact. I also think that there is a bigger picture, and validity to it all on one level or another. So just because I find a list of questions funny, or the idea of God floating around in the desert in a cloud throwing hissy fits and having to be talked down every five minutes by Moses so he doesn't annihilate people, doesn't mean that I hate, or judge what someone else believes.
We are also touching, now, on why I'm feeling done with blogging. I really can't stand Disclaimerverse. It totally takes away from the fun of writing.

That's about all I have for you this Monday morning. Real life calls. Dental appointments, laundry, grocery shopping... I'd also like to get a work out in before the imps rise from their siesta.

I'll leave you with this gem. God, I miss those boots.

I love everything that my life is and has ever been... Here's a sample.

Masters of the air guitar rock extravaganza.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Sidewalk Chalk Prodigy

 "Just a few finishing touches..."
(I should probably note the obvious: She is not the actual
artist, she just helped me. Ha!)

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

What is it about the creative process that makes me need to smoke?!!! GAH!

Don't worry, I have no plans on giving in, it's just annoying. I think the issue is twofold: 1) I have characters who smoke, and 2) smoking and writing used to just go hand in hand. Now I'm back into writing, but done with smoking. It feels wrong.

That's really all I have for you today.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Remember that day that I said I was going to start blogging again? That was hilarious, wasn't it?

I wish I could say that my lack of blogging is because I have all of this fun and exciting stuff going on, but it is actually the exact opposite. I just have nothing going on that is interesting enough to write about.

Here are a few random things:

1. I'm making a huge trip to Goodwill this afternoon. I'm actually very excited about that. Deciding to not have a yard sale was the best thing that I could have done. I just need to get this crap out, and I feel just as good about donating stuff as I do about making money off of it, and honestly, I don't know that the money we'd get from it would be at all worth the headache anyway.

2. Sometimes I just have to laugh at the thought that I am a housewife. I'm so not cut out for this business, ha! I love doing it, which surprises me... I just never saw myself here.

3. Have you ever thought up a pen name?  This is something that I thought would come easy to me - and probably would have when I was in my 20's and still "cool". It's much harder now.

4. I'm really in need of someone who I can bounce shit off of but who "gets it". I know that makes absolutely no sense, but seriously. I might have known half of crazytown in my day, but leaving crazytown is horribly overrated, not to mention boooooring, and you just can't talk creative shit out with "normal" people.

That's really all I have for you right now.

Happy Monday, y'all!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I thought about having a yard sale...

...and then I decided that was dumb.

I would probably make a few bucks, true. But who has the time to arrange this madness? Not me.
Instead I am loading my car up and taking all of this shit to Goodwill.

In other words... Today I came up with the rule: Yard sales are for other people.

Friday, July 6, 2012

So, I actually do have a plan to blog for real next week.
I'm going to get started with sharing my health and fitness goals. I'll warn you that my blog may become primarily about these subjects for a while because that's where I'm at right now.

In the meantime, you should know that I am a BIG Legend of Zelda geek. I make a hobby of conquering various Zelda games and then wiping them clean to start all over. That is why the following pictures are hilarious to me. If you know Zelda, they're likely to be hilarious to you too.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

"because I wanted to live deliberately..."

I love those words.

I want to live deliberately.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Thank you, Molly

"When you are clear on what is important to you, there comes an incredible sense of freedom. You no longer live in a world of social comparison. You are running your own race. Goals, big decisions & small habits are surmountable & invigorating because you have a clear picture of what you want your life to stand for. Clarity does not come easily. It also evolves throughout your life, which requires gracious flexibility. But it is worth it."

That Molly is one smart cookie.
I feel like I should share her website since I am sharing her words...

In other news...

Update: My kid could totally BE Zorg, B-E, not BY.

My kid could totally by Zorg for Halloween, if Halloween happened right now.